A hard time in 2020

I did not forget that I have this blog, but just I'm getting lazier and lazier over the time, and procrastinating at most of the time. So I had left 2019 an empty year as it has nothing much changes, except that at the end of it when Corona Covid-19 was found and spread to the whole world.

The virus, first found in Wuhan, China, and then spread in lightning speed to the whole world and caused a turmoil in each country. Lockdowns happened in almost all regions, movement were restricted to cut down the chain of virus spreading, tourism were being banned as crossing borders are not allowed. In Malaysia, we also experienced lockdown where people are not allowed to go out from their houses unless you are in the essential industries or with a valid reason (like buying groceries for the families).

Things were difficult during this pandemic time, as a lot of businesses were forced to shut down, retrenchment happening in big and small companies, pay has been cut in certain percentages in some remaining companies. People are suffering physically, mentally and emotionally from this pandemic.

For me, I finally left the former company in July, and started a new one in August. It is tough, to jump out from the comfort zone that I used to stay there for 7 years, but it is worthy to come out from it, as it widen my exposure to the outer world, and not limiting myself in an isolation.

So, for the new job, I'm still staying in the same industry, but I'm now watching the international markets and solely on the metals, both precious and base metals. I have more to learn as these are total new products. I hope I can learn more from the current job, as a preparation to build my foundation stronger.

In short, 2020 is coming to an end, and I'm hoping for a better 2021. Happy holidays and have a great year ahead to everyone!

Recap of 2018

A very long time I didn't update my blog, more than a year ago.

Well, just an update here to recap 2018 for myself. Nothing major, but had a heartbreaking period of time whereby my father suffered a mild stroke while I was away from home, the phone call from home breaks my heart and mind instantly. I never expect things like this to happen on my father, to my family. But thankfully he was sent to the hospital immediately and I have my siblings to help to look out for my parents. 

I then flew back to home after I made arrangement for my job's responsibilities, I tried so hard not to cry when I saw my father at home despite he has speedy recovery. I have been away from home for such a long time, sometimes just make a few phone calls to home, when it comes to an emergency case like this, I've failed being a daughter. They are always there for me, but I couldn't make it there for them whenever they need me.

Home, is where I live for permanently. A sense of belonging is always there, no matter where I am. But I hardly have the same feeling here in Peninsular. I am trying, but it is difficult. Things are different, people are different, cultures even different. I am still trying, I hope I can make it one day. 

Not much changes apart from the above mentioned issue, 2018 has been going normal for me. I hope there will be a better 2019 ahead for me and my family.

50 Shades of Grey and it gets darker

《Fifty Shades of Grey》 is a movie originated from the same name novel trilogy：

* Fifty Shades of Grey

* Fifty Shades Darker

* Fifty Shades Freed

The novel was published in 2011 while the first movie was released in 2015, and the movie was starred by Jamie Dornan (as Christian Grey) and Dakota Johnson (as Anastasia Steele).

This movie is an erotic romance movie where it has the element of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM). And it also simply depicts the beauty of common people encounter with a millionaire, falling in love with each other, and how Anastasia learn to get along with the unique sexual taste of Christian, although she ran away from Christian at the end of 《Fifty Shades of Grey》but they both met and got back together in 《Fifty Shades Darker》.

I actually started to watched 《Fifty Shades of Grey》in 2015, but only like quarter of it and then stopped, until yesterday. I have finally finished watching both 《Fifty Shades of Grey》and 《Fifty Shades Darker》yesterday. These movies brought me too many pictures (not the BDSM elements), but about the love between the common people and the rich, imagine an ordinary college student falling in love with a millionaire CEO, this is a plot which only happens in novel or movies, and never in reality.

I know it is ridiculous to have what Ana had in the movies (not the BDSM please), but I'm very envy of her luck for meeting a young, handsome and rich CEO, and he loves her in return, and his family all accepted her in a very nice way. Every woman wish her other half is handsome and rich, so do I. Love and life is inseparable, we all need love and money to continue our lives, either in an easy way or the hard way.

Perfect by Ed Sheeran

A perfect song, named Perfect, sung by a perfect singer, named Ed Sheeran.

2017 almost come to an end

It's been sometime since I last updated this blog. Too many things happened at once, I do not know what to do first, and all tear me into pieces.

Working life

Stress as usual, nothing different. Been doing trading in derivatives in my day-to-day routines, doing planning, trying to do expansion and etc. Not much changes, but stress as usual.

Life progress

Well, there are a few of achievement though:

• May/June 2016 - went to the first ever family trip together with my sister and brother and my mum
• Sept 2016 - bought an unit of apartment for the first time in my life
• Dec 2016 - moved into the new unit, started a new life as loan bearer
• Feb 2017 - adopted first puppy after so long, and her name is Piggy
• Aug/Sept 2017 - fostered 2 stray puppies and then adopted one of them, while another one was being adopted by kind soul. I adopted Vanilla, and Brownie was being adopted by other.
• Oct 2017 
• Fall in love with Perfect sung by Ed Sheeran, a song that gave me so much of impact and pictures 
• went to Mayday concert live in KL for the first time ever in my life, and it was an unforgettable experience for me

Life has been becoming more and more miserable to me right now. I start to feel loss of direction, I even thought of ending my own life, I myself was in shocked when this thought came into my mind. It has been always a stupid things I ever thought of committing suicide, but then the thought came into my mind in silence, and it shocked me. Obviously, I didn't make this thought becoming an action, else I won't be here updating my blog,

Well, life still has to go on no matter what, I need to learn how to cope it, harder and harder. Suicide is not a solution, but it is only an excuse to escape from the reality, and leave the sorrows to those who remain.

PTD Interview

One word, FAILED, again.

Welcome 2015

Well, it has been ages that I didn't come back to my blog, which I myself also quite forgotten about its existence.

It is now February 2015, a lot of changes in these few years.

• Master achieved in 2013
• Started part-time job in selling things online
• Started working since Nov 2013 as a trainee FBR and now a registered FBR

But I'm still quite lost for my future, I'm not sure what to do. Trying to apply and apply for the PTD, accepted to the stage of interview, but still it is just a false hope in the end. I didn't manage to get through the stage and hop into the government industry.

Expenses is rising day by day, our RM is weaken day by day, but our salary is not rising at all, no increment, only 1 month bonus  (although I know it is better than none like 2014), life sucks. Every month the money is just not enough to cover the monthly expenses. Trying to save here and there, but still, the expenses just come in no where everyday.

I'm trying to earn money, but yet, not every path works well. Yes, sometimes people ask me to join some direct sales like Monavie, Amway, Elken, Nu Skin and etc, but it is not that easy to jump in straight away like anyone do. Each of this need a starting money, may be a few hundred, or some even a few thousand.

Frankly speaking, with not much savings at my age, I am really do not know what can I do right now. Some of my friends at my age have savings of 5 digits, but for me? That is just like a dream.

I used to be rich, like having 5 digits figure in my savings account. But due to wrongly spending style, the figures just gone within ... 2 or 3 months I suppose ..,

I just feel like I'm somehow a failure. Yes, I have acquired my Master in HRD, so what? It doesn't even make me rich like cash. What am I doing now daily is not even related to anything in HRD.

But this post is just a post, just to express what am I feeling recently. I'm just getting tired and tired and more tired.

Cody Simpson (ft. Flo Rida) - Iyiyi

(Cody Simpson)
Cody Simpson, y-yeah

(Flo Rida)
Sh-shawty who dat, who dat, you think always missing you
I-I-I cannot get enough of kissing you
I don't cry-y-y, ok I she'd a tear, or two
On the gri-i-ind, yeah, but girl ain't no forgetting you, cuz

(Cody Simpson)
Every minute, every second, every hour of the day
Iyiyi
Every hour of the day
Iyiyi
Everytime that I'm away
Iyiyi
Missing you, missing you

Every moment that is stolen, it can never be replaced
Iyiyi
Even if it's for a day
Iyiyi
I'm a text you up to say
Iyiyi
Missing you, missing you

Oh baby whenever I'm gone, I'm wishing I was back home
I can feel your heart when we're apart
Girl I'm on my way, trust every word I say
I can't wait to see your face
And when I said goodbye, I saw the tears in your eyes as you started to cry
I took your hand, and promised I'll be right back
Girl I'm coming right back to see you smile

So girl, what I gotta do to make you see
I mean what I say to you
I'll send you a picture, let you know I miss ya
Girl send me a kiss, I can't wait to see ya

Every minute, every second, every hour of the day
Iyiyi
Every hour of the day
Iyiyi
Everytime that I'm away
Iyiyi
Missing you, missing you

Every moment that is stolen, it can never be replaced
Iyiyi
Even if it's for a day
Iyiyi
I'm a text you up to say
Iyiyi
Missing you, missing you

Remember when we first met, I had to tell you that
I couldn't live without your love
Baby I must confess, we were the perfect match
You we're a gift sent from above
When you're thinking about me, text 1-4-3
That means I love you girl
I'll be your everything, and all you need
Oh baby, let your heart take the lead

Ooh, so girl, what I gotta do to make you see
I mean what I say to you
I'll send you a picture, let you know I miss ya
Girl send me a kiss, I can't wait to see ya

Every minute, every second, every hour of the day
Iyiyi
Every hour of the day
Iyiyi
Everytime that I'm away
Iyiyi
Missing you, missing you

Every moment that is stolen, it can never be replaced
Iyiyi
Even if it's for a day
Iyiyi
I'm a text you up to say
Iyiyi
Missing you, missing you

(Flo verse:)
Lil mama, ain't nobody else, I need you girl
I-I-I got intentions just to please you girl
And I try-y-y, lady that's what you deserve
Superfly-y-y be more precious than a pearl
I can't li-i-ie, pictures in my living room
When I ri-i-ide, dashboard, digital
To the sky-y-y, so thankful that you're in my world
Do or di-i-ie, baby, I ain't kidding you

I don't wanna be your distant man
Tellin me I don't do enough for plans
I really can't afford to let it hit the fan
Girl, every minute I wanna hold your hand
Ain't no limit to the words I'm saying
I don't wanna rock with a brand new band
Just you, lil mama, that's grand
I've been all over the land, and

Every minute, every second, every hour of the day
Iyiyi
Every hour of the day
Iyiyi
Everytime that I'm away
Iyiyi
Missing you, missing you

Every moment that is stolen, it can never be replaced
Iyiyi
Even if it's for a day
Iyiyi
I'm a text you up to say
Iyiyi
Missing you, missing you

Oh, yeah
I'm missing you

*Video courtesy to YouTube

*Lyrics courtesy to http://www.lyricsmode.com

Bruno Mars - Grenade

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live 
Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give 
Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss 
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open? 

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash 
You tossed it in the trash, you did 
To give me all your love is all I ever asked 
'Cause what you don't understand is 

I'd catch a grenade for ya 
Throw my hand on a blade for ya 
I'd jump in front of a train for ya 
You know I'd do anything for ya 

I would go through all this pain 
Take a bullet straight through my brain 
Yes, I would die for you, baby 
But you won't do the same 
No, no, no, no 

Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb 
Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you're from 
Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are, yeah 
You'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car 

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash 
You tossed it in the trash, yes, you did 
To give me all your love is all I ever asked 
'Cause what you don't understand is 

I'd catch a grenade for ya 
Throw my hand on a blade for ya 
I'd jump in front of a train for ya 
You know I'd do anything for ya 

I would go through all this pain 
Take a bullet straight through my brain 
Yes, I would die for ya, baby 
But you won't do the same 

If my body was on fire 
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames 
You said you loved me, you're a liar 
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby 

But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya 
Throw my hand on a blade for ya 
I'd jump in front of a train for ya 
You know I'd do anything for ya 
I would go through all this pain 
Take a bullet straight through my brain 
Yes, I would die for you, baby 
But you won't do the same 
No, you won't do the same 
You wouldn't do the same 
Ooh, you never do the same 
No, no, no, no

*Video courtesy to YouTube

*Lyrics courtesy to http://www.metrolyrics.com/grenade-lyrics-bruno-mars.html 

❤ Special dedicated for my love ❤

As a formality, I think I shall introduce my love, Damon Chai, to everyone. But due to our location, I haven't got the chance to let my friends to see the real him. Haha XD But however, I'm gonna make a brief intro of him here.

Damon Chai

Us

Us with our pets

Damon (27 y/o) lives in Puchong, and he's the reason why I always fly to KL recently. We knew each other through FB, somewhere in Nov 2009. We keep in touch, via FB, MSN & HP, sharing problems. Its a surprise that we started our relationship in Dec 2010, for both of us. Sometimes, we keep wondering, how could this happen, but we have no answer. We are happy with what we have now, and we're going to cherish all what we having now.

Bie, its a brand new year of 2011, so let us work hard to achieve our dream ya ^^ love bie ❤❤❤❤❤❤

倪安東(Anthony Neely) - Sorry That I Loved You

FOR ALL OF THE TIMES, THAT I TRIED FOR YOUR SMILE

FOR MAKING YOU THINK, THAT I WAS WORTH THE WHILE

SO YOUR LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE LOVE WOULD BE MINE

FOR SENDING YOU FLOWERS, AND HOLDING YOUR HAND

THAT NO ONE WAS THERE, TO TAKE A STAND

BUT THEN LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, MADE US BLIND

AND I’M SO SORRY THAT I HURT YOU, SORRY THAT I FELL THROUGH

SORRY I WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

I’M SORRY THAT IT CAME TRUE, BUT SORRY DOESN’T TURN BACK TIME

FOR ALL THAT I HAVE DONE TO YOU, I WISH THAT I COULD MAKE IT RIGHT

SO SORRY THAT I LOVED YOU, SORRY THAT I NEEDED YOU, SORRY THAT I HELD YOU TIGHT

AND I’M SO SORRY FOR…

MAKING YOU LOVE ME, AND SAYING GOODBYE

FOR BEING THE ONE, THAT TAUGHT YOU HOW TO CRY

IT WAS LOVE, LOVE, LOVE AND IT PASSED, US BY

FOR GIVING YOU EVERY THING, THAT YOU DREAMED

FOR TAKING IT BACK, WHEN I FLED THE SCENE

SORRY LOVE, FOR WASTING YOUR TIME

AND I’M SO SORRY THAT I HURT YOU, SORRY THAT I FELL THROUGH

SORRY I WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

I’M SORRY THAT IT CAME TRUE, BUT SORRY DOESN’T TURN BACK TIME

FOR ALL THAT I HAVE DONE TO YOU, I WISH THAT I COULD MAKE IT RIGHT

SO SORRY THAT I LOVED YOU, SORRY THAT I NEEDED YOU, SORRY THAT I HELD YOU TIGHT

AN APOLOGY NOW, AFTER ALL OF THIS TIME, WON’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TONIGHT

BUT I’M HOPING “I’M SORRY” WILL OPEN YOUR MIND, TO LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IN YOUR LIFE

AND I’M SO SORRY THAT I HURT YOU, SORRY THAT I FELL THROUGH

SORRY I WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

I’M SORRY THAT IT CAME TRUE, BUT SORRY DOESN’T TURN BACK TIME

FOR ALL THAT I HAVE DONE TO YOU, I WISH THAT I COULD MAKE IT RIGHT

SO SORRY THAT I HURT YOU, SORRY THAT I FELL THROUGH, SORRY I WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

I’M SORRY THAT IT CAME TRUE, BUT SORRY DOESN’T TURN BACK TIME

I’M SORRY THAT I LOVED YOU, I’M SORRY THAT I HURT YOU

I’M SO SORRY THAT I LOVED YOU, I’M SO SORRY THAT I HURT YOU

SORRY THAT I LOVED YOU

*Video courtesy to YouTube

*Lyrics courtesy to SingKLyrics.com

A day to relax

20 January 2011 - Thursday - Sunny - 2134


It is Thaipusam today, and I have a day off. So, according to what I planned ahead, I bathed little Blackie, clean up his room, change his "mattress", and do have some fun with him. My sis gave him a pacifier as he keeps on biting our fingers and toes.

After that, my mum and I went to bring my niece back from school and sending her to taska day care centre. Then, we went to saloon to do our hair. My mum curled her hair 2 days ago, and then she said she wants to dye some color on it. haha!! So, I decided to trim my hair & touch-up the black hair to blonde.

Tomorrow Friday, and I'm flying off to KL again, to meet my bie & to take my new phone HTC Desire HD. Hooray!! I miss my bie so much .. hehe .. Can't wait to meet him. We plan for some activities for this weekend, to spend our time together. Hopefully nothing clash and I'm sure we will have a great time together ^_^


20 January 2011 - Thursday - Sunny - 2147

Thaipusam 2011

19 January 2011 - Wednesday - Cloudy - 2211


Tomorrow is Thaipusam, a festive season celebrated by Indians, and its a public holidays for certain states in Malaysia. I'm not working tomorrow due to my company is using the KL calendar. So, I got the chance to do a lot of things by tomorrow then. But however, I'm not going to celebrate it though.. Just going to use this day to do something beneficial to me and myself!


First, I want to cut my hair as my front hair grow longer and longer, and now its a mess =.=||| I tried to cut it by going to saloon on last Sunday but almost all the saloons were fully occupied. So, I have no choice but have to wait until tomorrow, while Kuching people are working and then I go and cut my hair/


Second, I'm going to bath little Blackie & tidy up his "room". ^_^ And I'm going to have fun with him as well for the whole day, to foster our relationship!! HAHAHA XD Of course, I'm going to take pictures with him as well, to show to my bie bie to see how cute is our Blackie ^^


These 2 are my priorities for the moment, and I think that's for all what I'm going to do for tomorrow.


19 January 2011 - Wednesday - Cloudy - 2222

New Added Family Member in 2011

16 January 2011 - Sunday - Sunny - 1538


This morning I went to Sunday market with mama & sister to buy some fruits. While they were choosing the best fruits among the stalls, I heard puppies crying. So I started to search for the puppies and then I found them. There are around 6 or 7 of them, in an empty vegetable basket, trying to get out from the basket. I think they are only few weeks old, as their eyes are still covered by a layer of white layer (don't know what the thing called).


My sister and I were attracted by the puppies, and were discussing which puppy shall we take it home. The seller is selling them at price of RM 10 each, 3 for RM 15 and 4 for RM 16. We decided to take one home, and   then my mama disagreed with us, and stand far away from the puppies. However, sister & I still take one which is Blackie, to be with us.

He was quite dirty, so the first thing I did to him when we brought him home is to bath him with warm water. My mama was so generous that asked me to use the Johnson & Johnson baby bath to bath him. After that, I made a glass of warm milk for him, Fernleaf milk powder for age 1 baby !! hahahaha XD

So now, I have a newly added family member --> Blackie <-- , and my bie have 2 hamster --> Mon-mon & Nie-nie <-- .. hehe ^^ both of us have new pets for the year 2011, to keep us accompany when we are apart.

16 January 2011 - Sunday - Sunny - 1555

Unexplained feelings ...

I know its your freedom to go out and to go home at anytime you want, but reaching home early in the morning isn't a good thing to be practiced. I'm worried every time when I go to bed, as I do not know what time you will be going home. I keep on waking up in the middle of the night to check my phone, to see if there's miss-call or unread messages telling me that you are actually safe to home.

Friday Report

14 January 2011 - Friday - Rainy - 2121

Its the end of the working days, but the rains seems like never stop working, and yet its so hardworking that it never take MC for weeks. The result of this makes some dark spot in Kuching has been suffer from flood. Sun, please do come out for a few days and do not let the rain take over the sky.

Shits happened. I turn out to be a betrayer to my company at the situation that I was blinded. I accidentally leaked some useful information to one of our competitor. I’m really sorry to my company and my colleagues. Please do accept my sincerest apology.

CNY coming soon, another 3 weeks more. And I’m going to collect my new phone,HTC Desire HD, soon! Hopefully I can really get it before CNY.

❤ Damon Bie ❤

I miss you so much. I’m so glad that you actually mis-thought that I were flying to meet you tonight, as this shows that how much you are obsessed with me! Well, I do hope that I can fly though, but perhaps we have to be patience and wait till the time we meet next time ya! =D

Yes, I do keep recall back the time we spent together in December, almost 3 weeks we spent our time together. We went shopping, movie, and most importantly enjoy great food together !! Even though we did not spend for luxurious food, which I do not desire as well, but I feel blissful for what we have together.

我知道有时候我很任性

我知道有时候我很不讲理

但这并不代表我不爱你

只是有时候我想向你撒娇

而且也只有你有这个权利

Out of idea to continue blogging. I think that’s all for this post. Good night & have a happy weekend everyone! =)

14 January 2011 - Friday - Rainy - 2154

Quarterly Report?

Just something to report for the past few months :

八月，我还在摇脚，就所谓的 goyang kaki

九月，我开工了，在一间叫做 WTC Int’l 的公司做 Sales

十月，我终于从 UMS 毕业了

十一月，工作压力成为我生命中的一大部分

十二月，完成了公司的第一项任务，去了在 KL 的 events （7-15 Dec）

发生了很恐怖的一件事情，但谢谢有你的陪伴

而这也造就了我跟他过后的缘分

是的，我在十二月尾圣诞节的时候，开始了一段新恋情 （24-28 Dec）

然后因为政府突然宣布31号是公共假期，我又飞去跟他见面 （30 Dec - 2 Jan）

Damon

谢谢你让我遇见你

跟你在一起的日子，我真的很开心

虽然说只是平平淡淡的日子

但对我来说

有你真心的爱和陪伴

就已经足够了

我要的其实很简单，我只要简单的幸福

我不要餐餐大鱼大肉，却过得不开心

在圣诞和新年的那两个星期里

你让我知道了什么叫做幸福

我希望以后的日子

有你继续陪伴着我

过着简单幸福的日子

❤ 我爱你 ❤

New thing(s) in 2011

Its the beginning of year 2011, and I gain a lot even though its just 15 of January today.

For leisure side, I'm going to use this blog as my new blog and terminating the Friendster blog. The reason is I have too much of exposed feeling in the previous blog and I know my bie (Damon) won't feel good after reading all the post. So, I'm going to have this new blog for him.

For career side, I want to keep my last cycle performance and bring it to every cycle. I don't wanna lose. The feeling of being S.T.R.E.S.S.E.D. really not a good feeling to enjoy. I really understand how my colleagues felt in last cycle.

For family side, I hate people keeps on quarreling everyday in my house. I don't care who you are, but whenever you start a fight, I will sure fight it back to you.

Nothing to say much for this morning, just want to have a good kick start for the year 2011.

More updates coming, perhaps?