A hard time in 2020

I did not forget that I have this blog, but just I'm getting lazier and lazier over the time, and procrastinating at most of the time. So I had left 2019 an empty year as it has nothing much changes, except that at the end of it when Corona Covid-19 was found and spread to the whole world.

The virus, first found in Wuhan, China, and then spread in lightning speed to the whole world and caused a turmoil in each country. Lockdowns happened in almost all regions, movement were restricted to cut down the chain of virus spreading, tourism were being banned as crossing borders are not allowed. In Malaysia, we also experienced lockdown where people are not allowed to go out from their houses unless you are in the essential industries or with a valid reason (like buying groceries for the families).

Things were difficult during this pandemic time, as a lot of businesses were forced to shut down, retrenchment happening in big and small companies, pay has been cut in certain percentages in some remaining companies. People are suffering physically, mentally and emotionally from this pandemic.

For me, I finally left the former company in July, and started a new one in August. It is tough, to jump out from the comfort zone that I used to stay there for 7 years, but it is worthy to come out from it, as it widen my exposure to the outer world, and not limiting myself in an isolation.

So, for the new job, I'm still staying in the same industry, but I'm now watching the international markets and solely on the metals, both precious and base metals. I have more to learn as these are total new products. I hope I can learn more from the current job, as a preparation to build my foundation stronger.

In short, 2020 is coming to an end, and I'm hoping for a better 2021. Happy holidays and have a great year ahead to everyone!

Recap of 2018

A very long time I didn't update my blog, more than a year ago.

Well, just an update here to recap 2018 for myself. Nothing major, but had a heartbreaking period of time whereby my father suffered a mild stroke while I was away from home, the phone call from home breaks my heart and mind instantly. I never expect things like this to happen on my father, to my family. But thankfully he was sent to the hospital immediately and I have my siblings to help to look out for my parents. 

I then flew back to home after I made arrangement for my job's responsibilities, I tried so hard not to cry when I saw my father at home despite he has speedy recovery. I have been away from home for such a long time, sometimes just make a few phone calls to home, when it comes to an emergency case like this, I've failed being a daughter. They are always there for me, but I couldn't make it there for them whenever they need me.

Home, is where I live for permanently. A sense of belonging is always there, no matter where I am. But I hardly have the same feeling here in Peninsular. I am trying, but it is difficult. Things are different, people are different, cultures even different. I am still trying, I hope I can make it one day. 

Not much changes apart from the above mentioned issue, 2018 has been going normal for me. I hope there will be a better 2019 ahead for me and my family.

50 Shades of Grey and it gets darker

《Fifty Shades of Grey》 is a movie originated from the same name novel trilogy：

* Fifty Shades of Grey

* Fifty Shades Darker

* Fifty Shades Freed

The novel was published in 2011 while the first movie was released in 2015, and the movie was starred by Jamie Dornan (as Christian Grey) and Dakota Johnson (as Anastasia Steele).

This movie is an erotic romance movie where it has the element of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM). And it also simply depicts the beauty of common people encounter with a millionaire, falling in love with each other, and how Anastasia learn to get along with the unique sexual taste of Christian, although she ran away from Christian at the end of 《Fifty Shades of Grey》but they both met and got back together in 《Fifty Shades Darker》.

I actually started to watched 《Fifty Shades of Grey》in 2015, but only like quarter of it and then stopped, until yesterday. I have finally finished watching both 《Fifty Shades of Grey》and 《Fifty Shades Darker》yesterday. These movies brought me too many pictures (not the BDSM elements), but about the love between the common people and the rich, imagine an ordinary college student falling in love with a millionaire CEO, this is a plot which only happens in novel or movies, and never in reality.

I know it is ridiculous to have what Ana had in the movies (not the BDSM please), but I'm very envy of her luck for meeting a young, handsome and rich CEO, and he loves her in return, and his family all accepted her in a very nice way. Every woman wish her other half is handsome and rich, so do I. Love and life is inseparable, we all need love and money to continue our lives, either in an easy way or the hard way.

Perfect by Ed Sheeran

A perfect song, named Perfect, sung by a perfect singer, named Ed Sheeran.

2017 almost come to an end

It's been sometime since I last updated this blog. Too many things happened at once, I do not know what to do first, and all tear me into pieces.

Working life

Stress as usual, nothing different. Been doing trading in derivatives in my day-to-day routines, doing planning, trying to do expansion and etc. Not much changes, but stress as usual.

Life progress

Well, there are a few of achievement though:

• May/June 2016 - went to the first ever family trip together with my sister and brother and my mum
• Sept 2016 - bought an unit of apartment for the first time in my life
• Dec 2016 - moved into the new unit, started a new life as loan bearer
• Feb 2017 - adopted first puppy after so long, and her name is Piggy
• Aug/Sept 2017 - fostered 2 stray puppies and then adopted one of them, while another one was being adopted by kind soul. I adopted Vanilla, and Brownie was being adopted by other.
• Oct 2017 
• Fall in love with Perfect sung by Ed Sheeran, a song that gave me so much of impact and pictures 
• went to Mayday concert live in KL for the first time ever in my life, and it was an unforgettable experience for me

Life has been becoming more and more miserable to me right now. I start to feel loss of direction, I even thought of ending my own life, I myself was in shocked when this thought came into my mind. It has been always a stupid things I ever thought of committing suicide, but then the thought came into my mind in silence, and it shocked me. Obviously, I didn't make this thought becoming an action, else I won't be here updating my blog,

Well, life still has to go on no matter what, I need to learn how to cope it, harder and harder. Suicide is not a solution, but it is only an excuse to escape from the reality, and leave the sorrows to those who remain.

PTD Interview

One word, FAILED, again.

Welcome 2015

Well, it has been ages that I didn't come back to my blog, which I myself also quite forgotten about its existence.

It is now February 2015, a lot of changes in these few years.

• Master achieved in 2013
• Started part-time job in selling things online
• Started working since Nov 2013 as a trainee FBR and now a registered FBR

But I'm still quite lost for my future, I'm not sure what to do. Trying to apply and apply for the PTD, accepted to the stage of interview, but still it is just a false hope in the end. I didn't manage to get through the stage and hop into the government industry.

Expenses is rising day by day, our RM is weaken day by day, but our salary is not rising at all, no increment, only 1 month bonus  (although I know it is better than none like 2014), life sucks. Every month the money is just not enough to cover the monthly expenses. Trying to save here and there, but still, the expenses just come in no where everyday.

I'm trying to earn money, but yet, not every path works well. Yes, sometimes people ask me to join some direct sales like Monavie, Amway, Elken, Nu Skin and etc, but it is not that easy to jump in straight away like anyone do. Each of this need a starting money, may be a few hundred, or some even a few thousand.

Frankly speaking, with not much savings at my age, I am really do not know what can I do right now. Some of my friends at my age have savings of 5 digits, but for me? That is just like a dream.

I used to be rich, like having 5 digits figure in my savings account. But due to wrongly spending style, the figures just gone within ... 2 or 3 months I suppose ..,

I just feel like I'm somehow a failure. Yes, I have acquired my Master in HRD, so what? It doesn't even make me rich like cash. What am I doing now daily is not even related to anything in HRD.

But this post is just a post, just to express what am I feeling recently. I'm just getting tired and tired and more tired.